Broken
by Zoi no miko
Summary: The last thing John Murdoch wants is to help the remnants of the beings who broke tortured his friend. But perhaps if Daniel can forgive them, he can as well. And perhaps it's exactly what their budding relationship needs. Slash.


The first day, John lasts exactly three hours and forty-five minutes in Shell Beach. He takes Emma - Anna, now, - to breakfast, and she is sweet and lovely and laughs at his jokes and is everything that Emma was not and nothing that Emma was. He doesn't take her number when they part. Instead he walks the familiar streets of his childhood and lets reality calm the turmoil of his newly implanted memories. Growing up, losing his parents. Spending his days with the singular focus of learning to control his world and defeat the strangers. He remembers kissing Emma - both in his memories and the one time in the police station - but it seems strangely emotionless.

He remembers Daniel.

Daniel, now, not just Dr. Schreber. Warm and familiar in his memories. He remembers him with the hint of strength that he realizes he'd always seen underneath the trembling exterior of a frightened rabbit. He realizes that he's been too hasty in his escape, and returns to the city.

John finds the good doctor back in his office, struggling to roll some strange, round contraption through the halls towards the elevator. John helps, trades words with him, asks Daniel to keep a promise that perhaps only he remembers.

"I remember you mentioning something about working for me in that memory cocktail you gave me. Think you'll have time to help a friend figure out how to run a city?" Nervousness curls in his stomach. What if he says no? What does he do then?

Daniel looks started. Then he smiles, small and shy, and the nervousness in John's stomach turns to something else, something much stronger and completely unexpected. "Yes. Yes, of course. Any time you need, John."

"Today? Once you're done with your office, of course. I could help you. It'll be much faster, just tell me what you need." He almost stumbles over his words in an effort to get them out, suddenly excited and anxious all at once. He wants Daniel's approval, he realizes suddenly. The encouragement he remembers. He needs to feel it for real, instead of just in made-up memories. He watches Daniel as the man listens to him, quietly scrutinizing, deciding, and John realizes that he's holding his breath.

Daniel's second smile is warmer, less nervous, and the approval in it warms John to the tips of his toes. "Yes. I would like that very much, John. If you will forgive me... for such a self-serving indulgence."

"No more self serving than anything I've done," John replies, returning the smile, and with a thought the maze blocking the hallway has disappeared. With another thought the dust is gone from Daniel's suit, the tiny tears subtly mended, and though it may be his imagination it seems the man stands a little taller.

He takes Daniel to lunch, and realizes he is completely charmed by the other man. One more unexpected emotion to mull over later. He is quieter and more reserved than Anna, but somehow a hundred times more real, and by the time they finish he is smiling more often then he isn't, relaxed and open and seemingly completely committed to the strange friendship that is forming between them. When they part ways in the late afternoon, both exhausted as their bodies struggle to adjust to the new patterns of day and night, John has a carefully folded napkin in the breast pocket of his jacket with Daniel's home phone number written on it in neat letters.

The second day he meets Daniel in his office which is bright and inviting now, the bookshelves moved away from the huge bay windows that are sleek and clean. The grime of an era of night has been cleaned away with a thought. He can see the city beyond them, the roofs of other buildings, the movement of people through the streets floors below them.

"I want to find out where we came from," he says, watching as Daniel listens, taking in the information. "I want to take the city back. Can we do that?"

Daniel considers the proposition for a long moment, then nods slowly. "I suppose that there is no harm in trying. Safer to return to Earth. If we can. Much more sustainable."

They spend the afternoon underneath the city, traveling through the maze of shafts and tunnels and returning with boxes of files, of records to sort through. He tunes a large table in the center of Daniel's office and they try to keep some semblance of order as they read through them one by one, searching for mention of where they have come from. He takes Daniel to dinner after the sun sets, and though the man seems nervous as they walk down city streets in the darkness, he relaxes when John rests a hand on his back.

The third day he spends in Daniel's office with the files, but it's hard to concentrate. The strange mix of emotions he feels when he sees Daniel - when he thinks about Daniel - have started to make sense, and it's more than a little distracting. But the uncertainty of it is agonizing. He has to keep reminding himself that Daniel doesn't, can't remember the things that he does. That he is as much a stranger to Daniel as Daniel is familiar to him.

"John? Is everything all right?" Daniel's touch is light on his arm, and he realizes suddenly that he's been staring at the blank cover sheet of a report for several moments. John forces himself to laugh softly and set it aside, pushing back from the table and standing. He crosses slowly to the windows, looking out at the sunlit city.

"I'm sorry. There's just a lot on my mind."

"If you would like to talk? I am happy to listen." Daniel has followed him, voice soft and encouraging, and though the mix of anxiety and nervousness and straight up fear clenches painfully in John's stomach he realizes that he does want to tell him. To get this off his chest.

He gives a little nod, turning to face the other man, watching him. "I don't know what you'll think about it, though. I have to keep reminding myself that you don't remember what I do, that I'm little more than a stranger to you, but it doesn't change the way I feel. I know this has the potential to ruin this nice sort of friendship we've found, but at the same time I'm going to have to say it sooner rather than later, and perhaps it's better that it be sooner so we can just deal with it and move on or stay away from each other and I can just try and get over it rather than just beating around the bush for months - "

"John?" Daniel's hand touches his arm again, light and encouraging without being intimate, and John realizes that he's been babbling, perhaps making no sense at all outside his own head.

He sighs and forces himself to decide, to speak. "I like you. I like you very much, Daniel. You're beautiful. I'd like very much to date you, if you'll let me."

He half expects Daniel to gently turn him down, even though a tiny part of him hopes the man will accept. What he hasn't expected at all is the look of hurt and the strange hint of anger that flick across his expression. Daniel looks down at the floor, eyebrows knit, and John lifts a hand, careful and tentative, to touch his shoulder. Perhaps he'd misjudged the doctor all along, perhaps he wasn't interested in men at all... "I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"Not wrong," Daniel replies softly. He gives a soft, broken laugh that shivers through his body visibly, and he repeats the answer helplessly. "Not wrong. I just - I am sorry, John. Truly sorry. I can't love you. Or anyone. I'm... broken. I'm sorry."

It's not a rejection, John realizes suddenly, and his stomach churns at his friend's unmistakable pain. He keeps his hand on Daniel's shoulder, watching him even though he refuses to meet John's gaze. "What do you mean? You can do anything you want here. They're gone. We can be whatever you want." He means it to reassure the man, but instead it only seems to make him more upset, arms folded tightly across his chest and hands gripping his elbows.

"I can't," Daniel replies, trembling a little under his touch. "They broke me, John. To make me do... this. What they wanted. In every way they could, in every way a man has ever broken another." He gave a harsh, choked laugh. "They learned torture from us. Starved us, beat us, tried to make us go insane. Sometimes I wonder if they... succeeded."

John shakes his head helplessly. "I don't understand..."

"I wouldn't give in," Daniel says a little helplessly, his voice low and hard and quiet, a barely audible rumble. "Even when they forced themselves on me. So many. I couldn't count. But I still remember. It's all that I can remember."

John realizes suddenly what he means, and for a moment all he can feel is rage and horror. He slips an arm around Daniel's shoulders, pressing closer without thinking what Daniel might take of it, but his friend merely sags against him helplessly. "I'm sorry," John whispers, knowing at the same time how trite the condolence is compared to everything Daniel has experienced. "God. Oh god."

"I'm sorry as well," Daniel murmurs, trembling almost madly against him, and his hands slip up to clench at the front of John's jacket. "I want to, John. You have no idea how badly. I just can't - " his words break off, and he gives a pained sigh. "You deserve far better than to be saddled... with someone who cannot return your desire."

"What about affection?" The fact that Daniel hasn't pushed him away completely - quite the opposite, in fact - is encouraging, and the excitement of realizing this attraction isn't just one sided trembles in the pit of his stomach. He lets his face rest against Daniel's hair, finding it even softer than he'd imagined, and brings his free hand up to smooth up and down his upper arm gently. "What if all I want is this?"

Daniel gives a little helpless laugh. "The purpose of human courtship is intimacy. I won't hold you back from finding that."

"Really? I always thought it was companionship." He tightens his arms around Daniel, stroking his back now, and feels the man slowly begin to relax. He dares to press a soft kiss to Daniel's hair. "Just let me be with you. No expectations. We'll just take things one day at a time and enjoy each others company. Can't we?" He lowers his voice, closing his eyes for a moment to just concentrate on how good it feels to have Daniel in his arms. "I don't want anyone else."

"Anna - "

"Anna's not the one that makes me fall all over myself in attempts to please them," he replies, and is rewarded with a soft, quiet laugh.

"You don't need to do that, John. You please me well enough just being here."

"Can I do more than just be here?" He presses another gentle kiss to Daniel's temple and feels the man's breath in a soft sigh against his neck. "Let me take you to dinner. I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to."

"All right," Daniel murmurs, and John feels the faintest touch of a kiss on his jaw.

The fourth day, the fifth, the sixth day slip by without much change, except that after spending the days puzzling through the Stranger's papers, taking and comparing notes, John takes Daniel to dinner, talking for hours over anything they can think of, anything that doesn't have to do with running the city or their search to find Earth. But now Daniel lets John walk him back to his apartment, his hand warm in John's. Now when they part ways Daniel leans in to brush a soft, trembling kiss to his mouth, so sweet and yearning that John spends the trip back to Shell Beach wanting to sing.

When Mr. Hand appears at the door of Daniel's office, John's first instinct is to bury the man - being - alien - just get him as far away from Daniel as possible. He'd felt anger before, knowing what these beings had done to the city, but the urge for revenge, to hurt them as they'd hurt Daniel, that is very new and more than a little frightening. Before he can act Daniel holds up a hand as he stands at the door, motioning for him to stay where he is, and as he listens to the two of them talk the rage subsides a little. He agrees to help them, perhaps because of the unexpected confidence and calmness he sees in Daniel when he speaks to them, and if Daniel can forgive them the hurt that they've caused enough to help them survive then he should be able to as well.

The deal is simple enough. Mr. Hand will unlock access to all of the Stranger's data, systems and navigational charts. In return, Daniel will create for each of their surviving kind a template of human memories that will allow them to adjust to individual thought as Mr. Hand has. John's task is a ship that will allow the beings to leave the city and never return. There are things to organize, and he spends days helping Daniel create dozens of memory templates for the surviving strangers, bringing glass vials of memories back and forth as Daniel mixes them together. Then he assists Mr. Hand in creating some kind of stasis tank which will, the Stranger says, allow him to attempt reproduction.

"The challenge is not so much the act itself, but being able to keep this human host alive while my mind is otherwise occupied. If I am successful I will Tune a new host for my offspring. This is the best environment to do it." Mr. Hand wears only a tight fitting leather jumpsuit, fastened with belts and buckles, and he climbs up to the top of the tank still fully clothed, seemingly unconcerned about the leather in the strange, viscous amber liquid inside. Perching on the side, he pauses, looking down to John. "It is very strange, yes? These human emotions. The need to protect my kind. I understand you a little better, now. You will ensure the others come to no harm while I am occupied with this, won't you, Mr. Murdoch?"

"Of course," John replies, partly because Daniel has asked him to, but more because he is beginning to see these beings as human, just a little.

"Of course," Mr. Hand echos, glancing across the shaft to where Daniel's laboratory is housed on the other side. It was John's insistence that they work here, that he stay within reach of Daniel any time they ventured underneath the city. "You are a good protector, Mr. Murdoch. He is a great treasure. The strongest of your kind. The only one to meet all of our criteria. I regret now that we enslaved him rather than obtaining his cooperation willingly. It is an interesting part of human emotion, yes? This regret."

John wants to be angry that this revelation comes to him now when the damage has been done so long ago. He holds his tongue and says nothing, instead following Mr. Hand's gaze to where Daniel is working, oblivious of their talk.

"He saved you, yes?" Mr. Hand's voice is still calm, conversational. "More than just this last time. You don't remember the first time. You were one of the many we obtained to test for suitability for his role, but he had already met all of our requirements. Still, he refused to comply with our demands until we threatened him with the death of others of your kind. With your death. So he agreed to do our bidding."

John looks up at him sharply. "Me?"

"Yes. Perhaps there is no significance to it. But I thought that you would wish to know. Good day, Mr. Murdoch." With that, the being slips into the tank, submerging completely in the amber fluid. Wires and tubes spurt from the sides of the tank immediately, attaching onto various places in the jumpsuit, one fitting over his nose and mouth. Then he goes completely still.

When John reaches the other side of the shaft, Daniel has just finished administering an injection to the last of the Strangers standing there. He sets the empty syringe aside with a smile. "There you are, Mr. Nut. There will be some disorientation at first. Mr. Heart will take you back to the others and care for you while you transition." He takes the Stranger to where another being waits for him at the side of the laboratory, then returns to John.

John manages to hold back his laughter as the two strangers leave, but as soon as they are out of sight it echos across the shaft. "Mr. iNut/i?"

Daniel chuckles softly, shutting down the machines he's been using. "There are perhaps some nuances of humanity that they did not quite understand." He seems surprisingly at ease considering the situation, John thinks, and glancing around once more to make sure that they're alone he moves to stand behind Daniel and wrap his arms around him, pressing his face to his hair.

"You've been amazing," he murmurs, and is rewarded by Daniel relaxing back into his embrace. John had initially been a little afraid that the man would shy away from physical contact, relieved when it proved just the opposite. Daniel accepted, even seemed to crave his affection, always happy and relaxed to just be in his arms.

"That was the last," he tells him, covering one of John's hands with his own and lacing their fingers together. "I wasn't certain if I could do this. I knew what was right, but it frightened me. I thought I would hate them too much to help them. Or be too afraid. Thank you for being here, John. I could not have done this otherwise."

"Told you I'd protect you," John replies, nuzzling his hair. He thinks on Mr. Hand's words, but decides not to ask for now. "If we're done for the day lets get out of this place. Come out to Shell Beach with me. Let me show you around, now that we have the time."

Daniel turns in his arms, smiling, and leans up to brush his lips against his gently. "I would like that very much."

The new sun and the ocean have given the city natural weather patterns, and John allows it to happen without interference, for the most part. It feels more real. By the time they've finished dinner in a little Italian place in the town a light rain has begun to drizzle down over Shell Beach, but Daniel turns down the suggestion of a taxi in exchange for an umbrella large enough to cover the both of them as they hurry up the road along the cliffs to reach John's house. It's chilly, and when they finally get inside Daniel's cheeks are rosy from the cold.

"I'm sorry to insist on the walk," he says, breathless but smiling, and lets John take his coat. "The rain is a bit of a novelty to me. It has been such a long time. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It does have a certain charm," John agrees, trying to imagine what it would be like to go years without seeing the rain, even if he has, in all actuality, not seen it either. "Let me start a fire in the main room to warm us up. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Tea would be lovely." Daniel leans into him as they sit together on the couch, sipping a cup of warm tea - milk and one sugar, John has learned - while John drinks his coffee with two. The fire had only needed a little encouragement to ignite and now crackle merrily behind the grill, and for a long moment they simply sit in warmth and silence and the comfort of each others company.

Daniel leans forward finally to set his empty teacup back on the saucer on the coffee table. "I had a dream about you," he says softly, curling back into John's embrace. "It was rather unexpected."

"Unexpected?"

Daniel is silent for a moment, head resting back against John's shoulder, expression half hidden and unreadable. "It has been some time since I have been calm enough to dream, it seems. But you make me feel safe, John. We were... intimate. You were so warm..."

John isn't quite sure what to make of it all, not until Daniel turns and catches his mouth with a confident surety that makes John's pulse race. He gives a soft moan and strokes a hand up into Daniel's hair, returning the kiss with more than a little longing but still letting Daniel take the lead. He manages to set his coffee cup aside blindly, forgetting about Tuning for the moment, stroking his free hand around Daniel's waist and feeling the smaller man arch closer. There's nothing shy or tentative in Daniel's kisses apart from the flick of a tongue against his mouth, and John parts his lips immediately to allow him access, to taste warmth and sweet tea as their tongues press together. The little groan that Daniel makes into his mouth is intoxicating, and when he runs his hands up Daniel's sides he's rewarded by another of the same, by Daniel nipping at his bottom lip as he kisses John like he can't stop, like even breath is not as important as this.

Somewhere in the pleasure of frantic kisses and Daniel's fingers tugging his shirt buttons undone to stroke over his chest they end up stretched out along the couch. Daniel's half on top of him so that they can both fit, but he can't really remember whether he'd drawn Daniel down on top of him or been pushed down himself. He breaks free of Daniel's kisses to try and catch his breath, stroking his fingertips over his lover's cheek as he looks up at him. This is all rather unexpected but definitely not unwelcome; still, he worries about Daniel. "Is this all right, lover?"

Daniel wets his lips, focusing on him through the somewhat smudged lenses of his glasses. "Yes. Yes, I think so. I..." he stops and gives a little helpless sigh. "I need... this. Something. To have control. I..."

"All right." John strokes his fingers over golden hair, kisses warmly along his jaw to nuzzle his throat and hears Daniel give a little sigh of pleasure. "How far do you want this to go?"

Daniel shivers at his words. "I don't know. I'm sorry - "

"Shhh. It's all right." He places a warm kiss under Daniel's earlobe before catching it between his lips, sucking gently. "Can you tell me what not to do?"

Daniel arches a little closer to him, giving a soft whimper of pleasure as John nibbles gently at his earlobe. "This is good. Kisses are good. Kisses are very good. And your touch. Your hands are so warm..." Daniel draws back to look at him, nervous and uncertain, leaning into John's hand just a little as he reaches up to cup his cheek. "Don't restrain me. Don't try to... to stimulate me, please." He swallows hard, skin flushing pink. "I... just let me..."

"Shh..." John murmurs the soft comfort again, leaning up to cover Daniel's mouth with his own, warm and reassuring. "Whatever you want, lover. May I undress you?"

The slightest nod; a gentle kiss. "Just keep me warm."

He undoes Daniel's vest first, stroking his hands over his shirt underneath and brushing his nipples through the fine fabric. Daniel's hips are pressed tight to his, and he can't help but rock up against the hardness he can feel through his lover's slacks, his own cock aching for more sensation as well. Daniel kisses him deeper, beautiful and passionate, mouths pressed together to steal each others breath, each flick of his tongue stoking the heat John can feel curling in the pit of his stomach. Daniel's hands are warm against his chest, stroking along the undone strip of buttons and under the bands of his suspenders as if needing to touch every piece of him, leaving heat in their wake. He tugs at one of the clasps, and John tries to shift to help him in the narrow space before he suddenly remembers that he can Tune. He catches Daniel's hand with his own as he makes the coffee table disappear, replacing it with a large, plush hearth rug made of indeterminate fluff. "Shall we move somewhere more comfortable?"

Daniel pulls back with a little nod, sitting up and letting John smooth his coat and vest off his shoulders, pulling John's coat off as well. After that it seems only natural to remove the rest piece by piece, stretching out together on the softness of the rug. It's even warmer here than it was on the couch, heat radiating from the fireplace, and he nuzzles and licks at Daniel's shoulder as he pulls his shirt away, sucking at the hollow of his throat where a bead of sweat has pooled. With clothes finally kicked away he concentrates only on Daniel, on sliding his hands over heated skin, on the breathless whimpers of pleasure that escape Daniel's lips when he sucks his nipples to hardened peaks. When Daniel moves to urge him onto his back he lies back without hesitation, drawing Daniel back down into his kisses, into the warmth of his embrace.

It's hot, almost too hot, but John doesn't care. He can hardly think about anything but Daniel, his lover's soft, needy moans of pleasure as their bodies press close. Daniel straddles one of his thighs as he lies over top of him, his cock pressed hard against his stomach, and John rocks up against him to let their cocks slide together between sweat-slick bodies.

"Oh god." Daniel's hips give a helpless little buck against his, sending another shudder of sensation up his spine. His breath comes faster against John's mouth as he does it again with a little needy whine. "God, John..."

"So good," he breathes, rocking up against him again with an unhurried roll of the hips, moaning into Daniel's mouth. He can't imagine anything being better than this, Daniel's bare skin soft and warm and slick under his hands as he trails them down his spine to the dip at the small of his back, then cups the firm curves of his ass. He'll do anything Daniel asks of him, he realizes as they continue to rock together, pleasure building. Anything to be close like this, to pull these low, throaty groans of pleasure from Daniel's lips.

"I want you on top of me," Daniel breathes, voice a little shaky, shifting away to lie back on the rug as he does. "Please..."

"Of course, love," John replies, and though he worries he finds himself pulled down into Daniel's kisses, Daniel's thighs wrapped around his waist as he arches up against John with a throaty groan. Daniel's fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling him closer, his heels pressing into the small of John's back as they rock together. With a thought, John Tunes a little more lubricant between the two of them, slick around his cock and Daniel's, grinding a little harder against him.

"God, yes. Don't stop." Daniel's words are half-gasped and desperate against his mouth, breath shuddering as he strains up against him for more. John can't help but lose control, rutting against him hard and fast, kissing and sucking at Daniel's throat as they move together. Daniel's fingers clench at his back hard enough to bruise but he doesn't care, can't care about anything but the sensations and Daniel's little gasps for more, John's name thick and throaty on his lips. John's desire is almost overwhelming, but still he fights to hold back, to focus on the trembling moans from the sweet man underneath him.

When Daniel gasps his name John kisses him again, hot and hard and deep, stealing the breath from his lips as he pushes against Daniel's body again and again. He can feel it, almost taste it when Daniel tenses underneath him, arched and shuddering with fingers almost clawing at his back as he comes in slick spurts against John's stomach. One hand clenches in John's hair, keeping him from pulling away as he tries to catch his breath with broken, choked gasps that shake his body and make John's heart twist.

"... Love?"

"I'm all right," Daniel manages to reply, still shuddering, clinging tightly to him. "I'm all right. I just - I'm sorry - "

"Shhh..." John forces aside his own desire, pressing gentle kisses to his lips, his cheeks, his eyelids. He tastes salt on his lips, but doesn't know if it's from their skin or from tears. "Shh, love. I'm here. It's all right. Whatever you need." He draws a sharp breath as Daniel's hand pushes between them to curl around his erection, stroking him slowly, thumb brushing the head of his cock. He meets the gaze of wide blue eyes that are still beautiful despite scarred skin, and Daniel is all at once vulnerable and adoring and so completely trusting that it takes his breath away as much as the physical stimulation. In moments Daniel's coaxed him to the heights of pleasure, nuzzling his jaw as his fingers stroke each shudder of sensation from him, pleasure cascading in hot shocks through his body. It's warm and bright and completely perfect and better than he could have ever dreamed of.

In the aftermath of pleasure everything feels good, and he trades soft, lazy kisses with Daniel, every bit of his body warm and singing with satisfaction. He lets his mind move over their bodies, willing away the traces of passion to leave skin smooth and clean. "Beautiful Daniel," he whispers, and despite himself he remembers what Hand had said. That this treasure, this incredible man is his to protect and support and cherish no matter what. A silly, romantic notion crosses his mind: perhaps this is why he developed his abilities, so that he could be Daniel's knight in shining armor. To give back for the times Daniel has saved him.

"I love you," Daniel murmurs softly, lifting one hand to trail along John's cheek and through his dark curls, and his eyes are bright as he blinks back tears. "I needed this. Thank you. I - I don't know if I can do this all the time..."

He steals Daniel's words with gentle kisses, feeling lazy and blissful in this warmth and well being. He shifts just a little to lay against Daniel's side, still blanketing him with his form while taking his weight off him. "Shh, love. Don't worry about anything. I'll be here. We have all the time in the world."

"I didn't think I'd have a place in the city," he murmurs, holding John's gaze as if begging him to understand. "I've never been part of the imprints. I've never had an identity, hardly even in my own mind. No one knows me..."

"I know you," John says softly, and for a moment blue eyes look up at him in surprise.

"Yes," he said softly, lips turning up into a slow smile. "Yes, you do."

~~fin~~


End file.
